The Truth is a Matter of Circumstance
by Agent0018
Summary: One-shots (Marked Complete but will be updated) : This picks up after Avengers Age of Ultron. Spoilers for the movie but they're generally vague. Moments in the AoU where Romanogers might have happened.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: **Age of UltronSPOILERS**

I needed to get this out.

Age of Ultron is showing in our country and being a staunch Romanogers shipper, I felt my heart breaking with every Hulktasha moments. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Bruce but I can't really see him with Natasha. Their relationship in the movie felt forced, and Johansonn herself said that she was surprised with the pairing. Anyways, I'm still holding out hope that Romanogers would happen in Civil War *fingers crossed* because those two are really a perfect fit for each other.

Here is a collection of one-shots that takes place in the movie, and how Romanogers could happen.

*I will take off this section of my A/N after the script of the movie would be released. As it is, I'm relying on my memory and it's kinda faulty. I'm paraphrasing here, sorry.*

**I do not own MCU because if I did Romanogers would have happened in CATWS.**

Nix, this is for you :**

* * *

**Saying Goodbye**

**Steve**

The original Avengers team has disbanded; Iron Man and Hawkeye retiring, Thor going off into Asgard, and Bruce nowhere to be found. Steve felt discombobulated with everything that happened. One moment it was all of _them, _fighting as one, as a team, taking down rogue HYDRA cells and celebrating together. Next thing he knows, it was all over. With this team, new relationships were formed, the camaraderie reminding him of the Howling Commandos during the war, but infinitely more amusing.

Steve supposed he should be used to change, after all, it was him who was catapulted into another time and age. He won't say it out loud, not even under pain of torture, but he loved this team. It was what grounded him after his long sleep. The dynamics of being a leader and being in action helped distract him from moving on, but as the Scarlet Witch, Wanda, inadvertently pointed out to him through the visions she gave him, moving on cannot be put off indefinitely.

Letting go of Peggy forever and moving on is one of the hardest things he had done bar one.

It was watching Natasha be with Bruce.

* * *

When Fury first assigned the Black Widow as his partner, he was apprehensive. Sure, he had worked with her, seen her "catch" a ride by jumping off his shield and onto a flying Chitauri vehicle, seen her kick ass with her guns and Widow bites. He respects her as an agent, but does he trust her? No, that was another matter.

Another matter that was resolved when SHIELD fell down, and everything that he has started to believe since he defrosted turned out to be a lie. He wondered then, if _she_ was also a lie.

He didn't count on the fact that she was also betrayed.

He has read her files, of course, and the most logical assumption to this matter were to assume Black Widow is a HYDRA operative. After all, lies were her thing.

So he was surprised to see that she, _Black Widow_, entrusted herself wholly to SHIELD's interest. Remembering their own conversation in Sam's house, he understood her.

_Him: You okay?  
Her: Yeah.  
Him: What's going on?  
Her: When I first joined SHIELD, I thought it was going straight. But I guess I just traded in the KGB for HYDRA. I thought I knew whose lies I was telling, but...I guess I can't tell the difference anymore.  
Him: There's a chance you might be in the wrong business.  
[She smiles faintly]  
Her: I owe you.  
Him: It's okay.  
Her: If it was the other way around, and it was down to me to save your life, and you be honest with me, would you trust me to do it?  
Him: I would now. And I'm always honest._

It was entirely difficult to live a lie of deceit and then have the one thing you trusted lie to you. So they made a pact. Honesty. Steve might never know how much it cost Nat to promise it so, but he sure as hell treasures it. Their defenses were down, and it was in that moment that Steve saw the real Nat. Not the Natasha that the Red Room made, not the Natasha that SHIELD has employed. This was the Natasha that craved a semblance of normalcy and trustworthiness that touched Steve's heart.

The moment was _intimate_, but there was nothing sexual about it. It was the same feeling when you have entirely understood something that has completely baffled you. She was exposed, raw, and it tugged at Steve's heart. He wouldn't understand until later, much later, that this was the moment the soldier fell in love with the spy.

* * *

After assembling together for the second time to clean out HYDRA, he found out that a lot has changed in the year they didn't see each other. She left to find another cover, but she returned laid-back and dare he say it, _fun._

She's also flirting.

Not that he has anything against Natasha flirting because God knows he had his fair share of it (and secretly he loves it), but it was unsettling to see her flirting with Bruce. The good doctor was flustered with her advances, _tell me about it, _but Steve could see that Bruce was interested in her as well.

So, because he was such a good friend, and because he could see that this could be the beginning of yet another Peggy/Steve fiasco, Steve told Bruce not to wait. "_Take it from someone who waited too long." _Steve imparted to Bruce.

If he felt a twinge of pain over that he simply ignored it and filed it away to a box neatly labeled "Natasha Romanoff" inside his mind.

* * *

They were in Clint's safehouse.

With Clint's wife and children.

Steve was a little shell-shocked to learn that not only does Hawkeye have a wife, he also has _children._

He was even more shell-shocked to watch the children call her "Auntie Nat".

Watching her interact with the little girl, he wondered how a girl with red hair would do with blue eyes. Steve froze, the implications running through his mind with surprising alacrity. He shook his head, and when that didn't work, he thought of Peggy.

That worked, and he went outside to get some fresh air.

* * *

"I'm always picking up after you boys?" Natasha's dry voice sounded out in his ear. Relief flooded his system every time he hear her voice, whole and not in pain.

He did not want to admit it but Ultron was getting the upper hand, especially since he dropped his shield. Right hooks and roundhouse kicks aren't really good deterrents to a maniacal, seven foot tall metallic robot. When Nat tossed his shield back to him, he wanted to turn and thank her but Ultron apparently doesn't want his attention divided.

After that, Steve lost track of her until Clint asked him if he had spotted Natasha. Steve felt a sense of foreboding and panic, but Captain America took over and he commanded Clint to secure the synthetic body of Ultron first before going after Romanoff.

Steve paid for that decision. Nat was taken by Ultron, but he could only console himself that at least the synthetic body was not with Ultron anymore. He knew that Natasha knew that what he did was the _right_ decision.

But still, he didn't like the fact that Natasha was in Ultron's hands. She would probably kick him in the balls if she ever learns of this but Steve wanted Natasha out of danger and stay safe. Irrational, he knew. _She _is the Black Widow. If there is anyone who could take care of herself it was Natasha.

The fear remained in his mind.

* * *

She was staring off into space.

She seems to do that a lot since they managed to somehow defeat Ultron. He knew that it was because of the horrors of her past that Scarlet Witch revived for her. Most probably because of Bruce's disappearance. Seeing them two together, he forced himself to be happy for them, but he just couldn't. Steve knew that they both deserve happiness, heck, all of them do but even if he tried, there is still that small voice that whispered '_mine', _every time he looks at those green orbs.

He took a moment to study her. She was very still, but there was a certain anxious aura about her that makes her seem as if she is on the edge of action always. He softly called out to her, reminding her of their duties to their new team. She smiled faintly at him, but the sadness in the eyes of the girl holding his heart urged him to go do something about it.

Only he couldn't. No, it wouldn't be fair to take advantage of her when she is clearly hurting. Together, as partners, they have faced dangers that no normal man or woman had faced before so it was no wonder that their lives would not be normal too. Together, they saved the world twice and together they would start this new team of Avengers.

He would just make sure that whenever she needs him, he would always be by her side.

Regardless of what he is feeling, even if he now knew he loved her.

* * *

**Natasha**

It was time.

She'd fought against it for so long that she even started to look at another just to keep herself away.

She thought she couldn't be with Steve. Not really. Not in the way she wanted to. She was the ultimate spy, he was the ultimate soldier. He was frustratingly _good _and she was … bad, damaged.

If she could do just one good thing in her life, it was to never taint Steve with her red. In doing so, she needs to distance herself away from him, even if her heart tells her another thing.

_Love is for children_, she told Loki once.

How massively wrong she is.

* * *

She forced herself to hide her burgeoning feelings for Steve because that was the _right_ thing to do. When she gave him that folder in the cemetery just as she was getting ready to go off-grid, she couldn't help but wonder what he would do if she asked that he accompany her. Would he say yes? Probably no. Steve and Captain America are basically one, and their morals so tied with each other it gets exasperating. She was used to shades of gray and always walking the fine line, however, she knew that Steve was the black-and-white type of guy. She could never ask him to do this for her.

And so she left. Turning away from him was hard.

And, she dryly notes, she was a queen of understating things.

* * *

A year later when the call for "assemble" drew them together, she noted that she never did say goodbye to Steve. No, she didn't because why then did it felt that it was just yesterday Natasha saw his face?

She was glad to be here, to be among the mightiest heroes. Most of all, she was glad Steve was here.

And then there was Bruce.

The monster-hiding-behind-that-gentle-face thing she totally gets. After all, she has her own monster, only it doesn't turn green and it only visits at night. She sympathizes with the doctor, even finding him fascinating.

If she couldn't touch Steve's pedestal, then maybe Banner's would be more approachable. She inwardly snorted at that fact, first because Banner didn't consciously want to be the Hulk and spread immense damage, and second because _she_ consciously chose whatever she has done.

She didn't deserve anyone, but she guesses it was a matter of choosing between the proverbial rock and a hard place.

She batted her eyes, she smiled, and she flirted. Hook, line, sinker. It all fell into place. Maybe she should feel bad but she didn't. Curiously, she found herself being drawn deeper to Bruce, but it wasn't in the way she supposed it would be. She understood Bruce, understood how he felt the need to atone for the damage he wrought on the innocent.

She wouldn't deny that she cares for Bruce. Maybe she could even love him if only her heart wasn't occupied by a certain blonde soldier with piercing blue eyes. As it is, Natasha _adores_ Bruce, and she is genuinely upset that Bruce decided to go away.

* * *

Coming back to the present, she raises her cup to her lips.

After all that went down with Ultron and his genocidal attempt, she hasn't drank any coffee nor has she got any time to unwind. She stares at the Rockies from her balcony, breathing in the fresh air. It was peaceful here, serene. To think that this would become nothing but a burning inferno if Ultron had gotten his nefarious way. They did it again. Saved the world. Her, Hawkeye, Thor, Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America … _Steve._

_I should just go tell him. _She debates with herself. _Carrying on like this is exhausting. He at the very least deserves to know how I –_ the buzzer sounded.

Immediately reaching for her gun, she points it at the door.

_Nobody knows this safehouse. This is off the books!_

"Natasha?" a familiar and welcome voice called out.

"Steve?!" Natasha threw open the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you. You just disappeared for days after the … after the … well, after it."

"I needed some time alone."

Steve blushed faintly but he kept his expression straight.

"I know, I just needed to know you are okay. I needed to… needed to see for myself."

Natasha stared at his baby blue eyes, seeing the unspoken words there. She only hopes that he could see her unspoken words, too.

"Do you ever think that we should just stop doing this?" Natasha blurted out.

"Do-Doing what?" Steve looked absolutely frightened.

"This, pretending we don't want each other." Natasha managed to say with a straight face even though her heart was trying to beat out of her ribcage.

"I don't understand what-"

"Oh, I think you understand plainly, Cap. This. _Us._"

Steve was silent for a full minute. Natasha spent that full minute debating whether to kick or congratulate herself. He spoke so softly that Natasha almost didn't catch it.

"I never meant to come between you and him."

Then it hit her. It wasn't only her that was running.

Natasha started to say something but Steve cut her off.

"I never fully realized until Wanda attacked us. Seeing you with Clint's daughter put things in perspective for me." Steve softly smiled, "but by then it was too late."

_No, _she thought.

"I tried so hard to be happy for you. In fact, I am, but I can't help but feel that you are far happier with Bruce than you can ever be with me. It doesn't change the fact though that I love you for so long that even if your happiness comes with pain on my part, I'd still smile." He said, all the while trying not to stare at her, but failing.

Natasha was rooted to the ground. She couldn't move even if she tried.

Steve cleared his throat, "I daren't stay long. I just had to see you. I'll be going now. See you in practice?", then he walked away.

Natasha closed her eyes and let just one tear fall. She opened them and stepped out of the door, gazing at Steve's retreating back.

"You make me feel like I'm not _good _enough." She said with a shaky voice.

"What?" Steve abruptly turned and asked incredulously.

"You with all your morals and patriotism and conduct and even with your looks… I couldn't taint you!" Natasha implored him to understand.

"Wha- Taint me? Nat what are you talking about?" Steve clarified.

"I couldn't, I just couldn't. You are what a nation looks up to, a paragon of everything _good and pure_, I'm … I'm … not." She said forlornly, "I couldn't be with you and not stain you with _red_. I couldn't do that to you, not with how much I love you. That's what you do to people whom you love, right? You don't want anything bad to happen to them ri-?" She didn't finish her sentence because in that short time Steve covered the distance between them and kissed her with such passion and emotion that so that she will never confuse him with _good and pure _ever again.

After a moment of shocked paralysis, Natasha kissed him back with equal fervor. The kiss was long, a salute to finally finding each other, and eventually it died a sweet, natural death.

Steve kept their foreheads touched.

"Nat, what about Bruce? You obviously lo-" It was Natasha's turn to silence him.

"I thought I wanted to be with Bruce. Turns out I shared a kindred spirit with him, and he understood my monsters better than anyone save for you. He keeps the other guy on a leash and vice versa, and how hard and traumatic it is. He recognizes my nightmares. I will care for him, Steve, but it was always you." Natasha hugged him tightly, afraid to let go.

"Only you."

"Oh, Natasha" Steve whispered, "I love you."

"I know, thank the gods I know because I could finally say it. I love you, Steven Grant Rogers. Only you."

They would face many trials, betrayals, ruined friendships, but their love would transcend everything. Even death.

* * *

There. Take that, Joss Whedon! But I love your witty lines, seriously.

Let me know what you think! I accept prompts for the second one and the following chapters :) Au revoir!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This week is a sad week for all Romanogers out there. Emily VanCamp has been confirmed to be on Civil War, although her role is yet indeterminate. I fear dark days are upon us comrades, but we must stay strong.

Some of you reviewers sent me prompts and ideas for this fic, but this chap is an idea of mine. Don't fret though because I'm planning to write those prompts. They are, for lack of a better term, intriguing. I can't promise you speedy updates because I have classes and my laptop keeps on crashing in the most inopportune moments. Oh well, that's life. BTW, you can show your support on Twitter by using the hashtag #Cap3SaveRomanogers :)

* * *

We can't leave these people..

_I didn't say we were leaving._

He heard the words. Understood what Natasha meant by them. They couldn't leave any civilians behind but then time would run out for them. There's just not enough _time. _So much has happened ever since Tony has created Ultron and inadvertently set the insane AI loose on the world.

Steve looked at Natasha, noting her calm composure if a but haggard, and realized what she wanted. "_The view doesn't look too bad here. I could think of worse places to go,_" she said while serenely gazing at the skyline. _Serene. _That was what she could aptly describe Natasha at the moment. They were fighting an army of robots and here is the most beautiful woman Steve has ever beheld looking calm and accepting. He didn't want to acknowledge the fact that the air was getting thinner, and if the ascent of the city continued, only a few thousand feet separated them from being suffocated. The super soldier serum enhanced everything within him, and even if the air was thinner, he couldn't mistake the shortness of breath he experienced when Natasha was near. It was _her. _

He remembered telling Banner, "As the world's expert on waiting too long, don't," and he thought that maybe he should take a piece of his own advice and actually follow it.

"Romanoff, about what happened in South Korea, I..."

"Don't. It's not your fault Cap. You were only doing what was best for the team. If my subsequent capture meant that we were able to thwart Ultron from getting a physical body then it's a capture well spent. After all, I managed to send an old-school message to Clint." she said with a little smile.

"Hey, Romanoff? Ultron. He didn't... Did he.. Are you alright?" Steve asked her hesitantly. She just smiled and looked out at the horizon. "I will be. Don't worry about me." Steve gently chuckled at that, wincing slightly at the large bruise he had no doubt forming at his side right now.

"I can't _not_ worry about you, Romanoff. You're my ... _friend. _I care, always, about you." He said, looking at Natasha intently. "Really?" She smirked at Steve, something else burning in her eyes. Maybe it was a yearning of establishing friendships and relationships long denied for her or it might be something else but Steve's heart welled out in hope. "Sure. And you know I'm always honest." They both shared a smile at their inside joke.

Steve moved closer to Natasha. He let his eyes roam over her face, taking in all the details that he may never see again. "I finally decided to go out on a date." He announced out of the blue. Natasha turned, a little bit surprised and maybe just a tad disappointed. "Who's the lucky girl?"

Ignoring the question, he told Natasha, "But there is actually no point in asking her out, because she is probably _adoring _someone else. And.." Steve trailed off.

"And? God, Rogers this feels like tooth extraction," she said, irritation bleeding in her voice. Or maybe it was dread. She didn't let herself think about it again.

"She and I are supposedly dying today, saving the world."

There was silence and Natasha's face never changed, but Steve was deeply attuned to her that even _that _stoic face couldn't fool him that Natasha was at a loss.

"I never intended to fall for her, you know. It's just one of those things that you wake up to one day, see her eyes sparkle or maybe hear her laugh, then BAM it hits you. Too bad it hit me too late." Steve smiled at her sadly.

Natasha's face changed. There was a pitying look etched in her features that Steve absolutely, positively hate. It was hard for Steve to see her unaffected with the words that are torn from their protective chest deep inside his soul but Natasha pitying him? He'd rather be frozen the second time around. He was so focused on this one particular emotion that he didn't see the regret and longing flashing in her eyes before she schooled herself into the infamous Black Widow mask.

Natasha moved to say something but that was the moment Fury decided to make his sneaky self known. The charged moment fizzled out as quickly as it came, but Natasha had a suspicion that another moment like this would happen again. She didn't doubt it.

"_Fury, you son of a bitch." _Steve cussed out in relief. It was so out of character for Steve to curse that Natasha couldn't help the small smile that graced her face.

"_Oh ho ho! You kiss your mother with that mouth?" _Fury replied, and boy was it a relief to hear his voice, not that Steve would ever admit it.

It was time to regroup.

It was Captain America who turned to Natasha.

"Get the civilians to the helicarriers, then calm the Hulk down." Cap commanded in a voice that brooked no arguments.

"Copy that, Cap," the Black Widow said. She turned to leave but stopped and turned back to him.

This time, Black Widow slipped away and Natasha came back. "Steve? For the record, _she'll probably say yes_."

Steve looked back at her and said, "Oh yeah? Well, you see there's another guy in the picture. And I see she's actually happy with him."

"Adoration is a league different with love, Steve. She told me she didn't think she has a chance with Captain America but I'll be sure to pass on that Steve, the skinny guy from Brooklyn, would love to dance with her."

"A dance? I'm afraid I might step on her toes," a charming smile couldn't be kept in by Steve, "But she might be – _no, I know she is_, the right partner. Could teach me a few moves."

"Settled then. This Friday. The Umbria, seven o'clock," Natasha said while checking her Widow Bites.

"I'll be waiting." Steve adjusted his shield and took a deep breath.

"Hopefully not too long."

"I'll wait forever for you, Nat." Steve vowed to her. Natasha smiled at her then left.

With plans made, the soldier and the spy went their separate ways to save the world.

And they did. And maybe they saved each other, too.

* * *

There! Don't forget to read and review! Prompts are welcome and encouraged. :)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This is for Sportsfan64. I know your prompt was about Steve convincing Nat that she wasn't a monster and believe me, I started with that in mind however, something else came out. Hope you enjoy it still :D It's not very romantic and I think this can be read as platonic but wth.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS EVANS! :***

* * *

Maybe it was because she knew they were as different from each other as oil and water. She was a spy, he was a soldier. He was all lightness and righteousness, and she lived in shadows and ambiguousness.

He was all good, she was … _not_.

And maybe that was why she convinced herself that she was attracted to a monster because she knew she was one. Or at the very least, it's what she thought. Steve didn't though. And that was the reason why she was currently hiding behind the barn in Clint's farm.

Laura was very accommodating for them. She missed the woman although she doesn't actively show it, but Natasha has an inkling that Laura missed her too. Laura was the one woman who tamed Clint from his wilder days and when Clint (in his infinite stupid ways) foolishly left her because he wasn't interested in a family, it was Natasha who hunted Clint down and knocked (literally) some sense into him. If anyone could see how the archer doted on his family, someone would probably give him the father-and-husband-of-the-year-award. They wouldn't believe that the same person left Laura high and dry when he found out she was pregnant. Thank God that Laura has the biggest heart (with the exception of one) Natasha knew and took back Clint when he came back grovelling within an inch of his life, bloody and sporting a black eye (Natasha was proudly responsible of that last bit). After that rough patch the Barton family (after a shotgun wedding) became the poster child for every American dream.

_Family._

It is only a dream.

A dream she dreams in the darkest of nights when she is alone and no one can take it away from her. It was funny how you didn't know how much you really wanted something until it's no longer within your reach. In truth, Natasha didn't really dwell on the fact that she was barren. It was pushed to the farthest reaches of her mind especially when she had to deal with the Avengers, saving the world and putting up with Tony Stark's bullshit everyday. But when the girl in red worked her magic on them and crushed the walls Natasha built around those memories, it hit her. Hard.

Which is why, again, she couldn't burden Steve with herself. Steve wanted a family, that much she knew, and it was the one thing she couldn't give him. And Steve's already lost so much, Natasha doesn't want to add herself into the mix.

_But don't you deserve to have something too?_

She scoffed at the tiny voice in the back of her head. She has done a lot of things that would make her unfit to be a mother or even a wife. What kind of child would want Natasha to be his/her mother when she herself has inadvertently caused the deaths of many children and even orphaned a lot more? What kind of man would want Natasha to be her husband when she couldn't be trusted to tell the truth? That's what relationships are at it's very core, right? Being truthful to one another?

She was Black Widow and she can't ever afford to do that.

But still, it didn't stop her subconscious from cooking up images of a warm fireplace, a hug from someone behind, the laughter of children. A two-storey house with a white picket fence and a yellow Labrador who they'll call "Brownie". Her children can run as far as they can and laugh as loud as they want and she and her husband would sit back in their porch watching over them, together. And when evening came, she would slave away in the kitchen, trying to coax out a decent meal and finally giving up while her husband was laughing at her pitiful efforts. He would then gently take over the dinner preparations while she pretended to be irate but secretly pleased (and a bit turned on, to be honest) to see him in an apron and providing for her and their children. His blond hair would be mussed and his blue eyes would be bright, and they would regale each other with stories about their day.

So immersed was she in this silent reverie of hers that she almost didn't notice the doors of the barn opening slightly. She quietly berated herself for not paying any attention to her surroundings when armies of robots were currently on the hunt for them. However, before she turned to address the intruder, she managed to identify the solid but soft footfalls.

"I meant what I said earlier," the deep rich voice who sounded so strong and so commanding and the battlefield yet sounded completely reassuring this time echoed in the spacious room. "You are not a _monster_, Natasha. You are the farthest thing from that."

She kept quiet.

Hearing a soft sigh, she tracked the footsteps and it ultimately appeared in front of her. She was seated on one of the hay bales Clint stuffed last summer for Cooper and Lila to play in but as most of his household projects go, it was unfinished.

Steve's feet stopped mere inches from her toes. She didn't immediately look up but she found that it was not needed because it was Steve who lowered and crouched down in front of her. "_Natasha." _She flinched at his nearness and at his voice. It was like a siren calling to her, the pull unmistakable. It promised everything she ever wanted, but ... it always came with a "but". But she was a liar. But she was a spy. But she was barren. But she was a _monster. _

That was what Steve disagreed with. Her being a monster. He was apparently passing by Bruce's room earlier when he and Natasha were having a little heart-to-heart talk with each other. Steve didn't want to eavesdrop but he couldn't help but hear how Natasha described herself. When she went out of the room, Steve made the mistake of making eye contact with her and she saw how she hated herself. Ashamed, she went and hid in Clint's barn with the pretense that she was going to practice or maybe work out.

However, Captain America seemed determined to pull her out of whatever funk she was in.

"I've seen monsters. You aren't that, Romanoff. It's maybe what you see for yourself, but what we see, what I see, is a woman who has sacrificed greatly and saved countless of lives. So don't ever make yourself think for one moment that you are a monster. You, Agent Romanoff, are a hero. Whether you like it or not." Steve said, looking at her eyes or at the very least trying to because Nat still hasn't looked at him, but when he said that he thought she was a hero, her head snapped back and her eyes were glazed with something tantamount to fear and incredulousness.

"A hero? Did you even read the files on me, Rogers? Huh? SHIELD's file on me were even incomplete compared to what I have done to all of my victims. The quintessential Black Widow. Tempting yet deadly. That was what all I ever was. Men, women and even children weren't exempted. Did you know how easy it is to drive a butter knife between the fourth and the fifth rib of a sleeping five year old girl? Because I do. After I have shot point blank her mother and father that is. Then after all that, I burned them down." Natasha said with a haunting quality in her voice.

Steve was silent for a moment. Most likely because he didn't anticipate what she has just said. But to her surprise, Steve gently drew her hands to his face and kissed them, one for each hand.

"You are not who the Red Room made you, Natasha. You're so much more. You have goodness inside you, even if evil has done it's best to cover and taint it. And I can see that. So there is nothing on this God's green earth that is gonna convince me otherwise. You are you, and for me," Steve cleared his throat, "you are a hero."

Natasha couldn't hold back the tears that leaked. She let them, falling onto the hay covered dirt floor.

"I'll be here for you Nat. Until the end of the line," Steve said gently, and he too rose and started to leave.

However, it was Natasha this time who caught his hand. She gripped it so tightly, afraid of letting the one thing that was keeping her anchored in this fucked up world of theirs. "I was afraid," she said in a croaky voice.

Steve paused for a moment and then went back to crouching before Natasha.

"Bruce, he... He was like me. You weren't," Steve frowned at that, but he let Natasha go on. "I was... am... terrified of disappointing you. I couldn't bear the thought of you going away because I wasn't enough. And I'll never be enough. The Red Room made sure of that," towards the end of her speech, her voice got a little harder and more angry.

"You're life was taken from you, Steve. Peggy, the Howling Commandos and even Bucky. You could have had a chance at normal life and you deserve no less than that especially with what you already endured. You are good. And you deserve someone good. Someone who could give you a family and everything you ever missed. I am not that," Natasha said with a broken voice.

"Bullshit"

The profanity shocked Natasha that she was silent for a few seconds. Captain America does swear.

Steve ran a hand through his blond hair, leaving it mussed sexily but there was an exasperated look in his eyes that made Natasha want to hear what he has to say.

"I am so tired of people thinking that I deserve better than this, or than YOU. What they don't understand was that I chose this. Every decision that has led me to be here has been made by me and me alone. When I chose to put the plane in the water, I was doing it with the complete knowledge that I was choosing to save the world over MAYBE a life with Peggy and with kids and a white picket fence. And even as a hero. I chose to do it willingly. I also chose not to call any of those women who you throw shamelessly at me, because I already chose Natasha! And I did choose you!"

Natasha was poleaxed. She never expected to hear this impassioned confession from Captain America that he actually returns her affections.

"And I also chose to go after you because I know that you wouldn't be able to get it out of your head that you are a monster. And I can't have you thinking that, Natasha, because you are as close to an angel than everyone I have known," He ended the tirade softly. Natasha was still staring at him. His shoulders slumped in a defeated manner. "And I know that you are with Banner now, but I can't let you go without at least knowing how I felt about you. Shame on me, but I don't care," he said forcefully, "I won't step in and take you away from him because I know that despite you foolishly saying that both of you are monsters and you deserve each other, I know Banner would take very good care of you. So even if it means costing my happiness for yours, it's fine. As long as you know that.. that.. if you were mine, I'd never let you go too."

Steve was truly panting now. His heart felt as if it was exploding but Natasha was still unmoved, still staring at him.

He turned away from her and said "Fury called a meeting. Five minutes," he said softly then he was gone.

Natasha continued to stare at the spot where Steve had just been. She tried to comprehend the last minutes. Everything she ever wanted was within her reach. Then why did it feel so far away?

She stared at the spot. And stared some more.

Finally, when she could postpone it no longer, she headed out.

She would deal with this saving the world business first. Then she would see about if her heart can be saved too.

* * *

I was spurred to write this because the guy I was in love with for a long time eventually came clean but it was too little too late. Still hurts like hell though. And I'm feeling depressed. Sorry for the bad plot. I swear it sounded better in my head.

Please read and review.


	4. Special Announcement

A/N: I WILL BE CONTINUING THIS STORY.

After n-months of trying to open and remember this account, I finally did! Hooray! :D I assure you, I have every plans of updating this guys. Several months back I hit a bigtime writer's block and for the life of me I couldn't write anything down. I'm so sorry to disappoint all of you and keeping your hopes up BUT thank you for being loyal and kindhearted to my fics. Also, a shoutout to everyone who is egging me to continue this story: THANK YOU! I WILL! :)

Thegraytigress: I love your stories, even though you're in Ao3 now :)

Anyways, that's it for today. Expect an update this week in all of my stories :) I hope I made your day with these news! :)

Agent 0018


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